Thursday, 31 October 2013

NANOW or never.

For the next month I will be going on my biggest writing journey ever. From tomorrow I will be undertaking the NANOWRIMO challenge embarking on 50,000 words of a novel in a month. I spent weeks drawing up a list reasons for and against. My against list was around the usual. Ongoing legal proceedings being the biggest bugbear.

 At the weekend I started going through my scribblings and found an idea that came to me in a dream I had last year. How lucky I wrote it down!! I started doing some planning, character sketches, chapter outlines etc and there was my answer. I must do NANO this year, that novel is screaming at me to be written.

  My reasons for not doing it were the same as previous years and would be the same next year, the year after and so on. The question I asked myself was am I really going to put my dream on hold for someone else? One of the reasons for coming out of that situation was to break that cycle.

  I am happy with the writing projects I have put out there in the last year or so. My ultimate dream is however to publish a novel, this has been my lifelong dream. The post I previously put up had a very depressive tone to it. A quote I read from JK Rowling put things into perspective. The advice I intend to follow during NANO and indeed the rest of my life is;

" Rock bottom became the solid foundation on which I rebuilt my life."

Thursday, 24 October 2013

Hidden in Darkness

I know I have been quiet for a while, that is because a slightly dark period has been going on in my life. There was a point where I even thought about giving up on my writing. Some very wise friends of mine reminded me that it is during these dark periods where writing is both therapeutic and often the best work is born out of turmoil.

I am now at a point in my writing career where it is so deeply routed into me that it is physically impossible for me to give up. Last week I had periods when I was so weak that I could barely pick up a pen. Suddenly thoughts churned round in my head and a knee jerk reaction to these thoughts made me pen the following poem;

Without Pain!

I felt I was going insane
and wanted to numb my pain.
Not even thinking,
into darkness shrinking.

Letting my myself crash and burn,
nowhere to turn.
More than loss of control,
destruction of my soul.

Letting it build up,
then suddenly erupt.
No more tears to weep,
I wanted to fall asleep.

For it all to be forsaken,
to never awaken.
After many a fall,
a moment away from it all.

No stamina to run the race,
a fall from grace.
Down on the floor,
the truth I could not ignore.

I lost all the will,
swallowing a bitter pill.
Hanging by a flimsy thread,
a sense of dread.