On the day I mixed my backing track with my friend Tony, I was switching between mixing the track and going through a statement with my Lawyer for a court hearing. Two days before the performance I was actually in court. When I look back on all this now, I feel I have more resilience than I credited myself with.
On the morning of the show I woke up feeling excited about the day ahead and really soaked up all the events. Before collecting Nishka from school I even found time to do my nails! Once I collected Nishka and her childminder I gave Nishka her dinner, got her settled with homework and made my way to he Y Theatre.
Once I got to the Y Theatre everything happened really quickly. The performance itself was over in a flash. I found myself having an outer body experience with the disbelief that I pulled it all together on the night. Everything happened very organically.
I am still buzzing about the performance it has been a journey of discovery for me on so many levels. It was an experimental piece where I performed my poems to a backing track for the first time. It was also my debut performance where I wrote, produced, directed and performed all the material. Even though it was not my first performance ever I would say it was my most candid performance. I have struggled with self doubts and insecurities as an Artist to the point that I was ready to give up. Much of this was down to the fact that I have been struggling to find a style and identity of my own. I have finally found something I am more than comfortable with and intend to keep developing on this.
I have really seen myself in a new light and will make more of a conscious effort not to doubt myself again. My performance may get perceived as controversial and an act of provocation. I will be honest I am trying to push the boundaries and move away from certain conventions. Art should always come from the heart and ones true inner feelings should not be censored. My main message in this performance is really be yourself, love yourself and in my idol Madonna's words " express yourself and don't repress yourself."
For those of you who missed the big night of just want to relive the experience I have included video footage with this post. Please watch it with an open heart and open mind.